This week my twitter blew up.  I mean seriously, everyone was going crazy over some leaked sex tape made by some girl from our hometown.  And really it was so sad.  I felt incredibly bad for the girl who seemed to handle it pretty well - but imagine how devastating that would be?  Some personal part of you just shoved up on the internet for the world to see, now that would be pretty heart-breaking.  To be honest, I don't know the story, I don't really know what was shared online, all I know is that everyone was talking about her and it was like watching the vultures close in.

I really don't know how anyone could do that to someone else?  Revenge porn?  It's sick.  Absolutely anything shared online has power to hurt someone.  Even if it's something that someone may find innocent another person may find it hurtful.  Especially something like that.  

Like I said I don't know the full story and I guess there's a lot of people out there who think that if this girl didn't want her video/photos/whatever shared she shouldn't have taken/sent them.  That is crap.  That is ultimately victim blaming.  Maybe it's true to an extent but if you have placed your trust in someone then you shouldn't have to worry them going behind your back!  It's a violation of someone's trust and it's a crime.  It's like saying if you don't want to be raped, don't wear promiscuous clothing or if you don't want to be robbed don't own things... ok, so maybe I'm being a bit extreme but you get the picture? 

And it's other girls who seem to have so much to say about the victims of these crimes, really they're slut-shaming.  Which, is disgusting.  I'm sorry but girls can be so mean about each other when in reality we should be sticking together and looking after one another.  Since when was calling another girl a slut or a bitch such a good thing?  C'mon girls do you not think men do that to us enough?  Ask yourself how would you feel if that was you?  You probably wouldn't like it huh?  I know I sure as hell wouldn't.  

The internet is a powerful tool - there's so much information, it's a great way to keep in contact with your friends and family but then on the other hand it's a dangerous world.  There's only one reason someone would share such personal content without the person's consent... and that is to hurt them.  And that's the scary reality of the internet, that it is so easy to do so.  

I have a lot of respect for the victim, I don't know her very well she is just someone I follow on twitter but I bet it took her a lot of guts to stay strong and react so well.  Revenge porn is on the rise, and I find it really sad that people can even consider doing it.  I also have a lot of respect for those celebrities who have also been victims such as Jenifer Lawrence who stood up and spoke out against it:

"It is not a scandal.  It is a sex crime.  It is a sexual violation.  It's disgusting.  Anybody who looked at those pictures, you're perpetuating a sexual offense.  You should cower with shame."

And she is right.  I remember once before my friend was scared to break up with her boyfriend because he had some nudes of her.  That isn't right, people shouldn't have to fear for their privacy, our society is so messed up if that is the dangers we now face.  I guess my only advice to everyone out there would be to be careful, stay safe and if you plan on sharing anything personal like that, something that could damage you if shared, please ensure that you 100% trust that person.  Because sadly I suppose it could happen to you.

Again, stay safe,

Love, Lauren x - the photo used on my post came from this useful site.

How to recognise if there is a negative person in your life.

Let me tell you something, some people really aren't worth it.  When you find yourself making all the effort without getting anything back,  when you somehow always seem like a last resort, when these people somehow bring you down and make you feel horrible inside.  These are the people who are not worth any of it.  And in my 21 years of existence (eeeek) I have met a fair few.  It can be relationships, friends even family.  The people who don't make you happy don't deserve to be in your life.  

I used to have a friend at school who was like this, in fact she was supposed to be my best friend and we were friends for many years (roughly 18 actually).  We were forever falling out and she would call me so many names, always resorting to my weight knowing that that was an issue for me.  Then she would try and start physical fights but when she realised I wasn't a pushover she would get other people involved.  And then the next day she'd realise she'd missed me and she wanted to be my friend again, and me being a silly naive kid let her.  And even when we were friends she would try and bring me down or she herself had so many unnecessary dramas that I was sucked into.  She was just a negative person.  Then at the end of school and afterwards we completely drifted apart, we still spoke but I went off to uni and she stayed at home and we made different friend groups and whatever.  But then recently when I went through my own personal problems and told her about it she was never once there for me, the only time she got in contact was because I was speaking to her ex.  And for me that was the final straw.  

Since then I have seen her bitching about me over twitter (haha) and have heard so from other people which I know myself is silly drama that there is absolutely no need for so I decided to make it stop.  I decided to cut her out.  And that's exactly what I did, I deleted her from all of my social sites, it's not like I saw her in person anyway and we had no other contact so for me it was easy.  Removing her from my social sites was like removing her from my life.  And afterwards it felt so good; relief at not having to think about her, like my energy immediately lifted. 

I mean some of you may read this and think I am a complete bitch or that I acted harshly or that this whole post is about stupid schoolgirl drama, which I suppose it is.  But it was still enough to bring me down all those times at school and even worse when my friend of 18 years wasn't there for me during the hardest time in my life.  

How to recognise if someone in your life is a negative person:

1.  They never seem to bring you up or say nice things to you or encourage you, they always seem to manage to make you feel small.

2.  They complain a hell of a lot.  I mean in my experience they seem to complain even when the stuff that brings them down is so trivial.

3.  They try to boss you around.  You aint nobody's bitch so don't let them treat you that way.  No matter what situation, whether it be big or small if they're telling you what to do and trying to control you then they are not a healthy person to be around.

4.  They're quite sensitive about themselves.  I mean they can say whatever they want to you and expect you to be ok but as soon as you give them some home truths it hurts them deep.

5.  They never seem interested in your life or ask you any questions.  Sometimes you genuinely can forget to ask someone something about their life or how they're getting on but when it's a repeating pattern then something is definitely wrong.

6.  When you spend time with this person and it leaves you feeling unhappy or down then that's the most important sign.  

Reasons why you don't need anymore negativity in your life:

1.  You ARE too fab for their negativity.  You want to be able to enjoy life and be that happy person you want to be. 

2.  You don't need anyone else's drama to bring you down.  I mean seriously we all have enough of our own dramas and our own stuff to deal with we seriously don't need to add someone else's to our list.

3.  Life is far too short to allow these people in.  Ask yourself this, would you rather have a pal you can chat to about anything and have a side-hurting laugh with, or would you rather be with doom and gloom and have someone bring you down.  Life is too short for constant complaining, you need someone who realises how good life can be.

4.  Once you are free from these people you do feel so much lighter.  It's like a relief or a release I'm not sure - but I do know it feels amazing.

5.  Again, you aint nobody's bitch so you don't expect to be treated like one.  If the shoe was on the other foot you know they'd kick off.

6.  You deserve a relationship - whether it be a friendship or whatever - that makes you feel good and have someone reciprocate your interest.

So my advice to you is:

Be strong.  If there is someone like this in your life don't let them walk all over you like I did for so many years.  

Look after yourself, sometimes you need to be selfish, especially when the people involved are being selfish anyway.  

Maybe take a break from seeing that person so frequently and see if the space does you any good or makes you feel any better.  Or confront them and tell them how you feel and how they make you feel, there may be a chance that you can salvage your relationship with them?  Or do what I did and cut them out of your life.  

Whichever way you chose you need to be the one to change it, or you'll be stuck in the situition for a long time feeling like a piece of crap for a long time and I know you don't deserve it.  In reality it's just a part of life, and no matter how hard you try not to you'll still find negative people, but that doesn't mean they have to have an effect on your life.

And last but not least recognise the people in your life who you should feel grateful for.  And this isn't always easy and even now sometimes it takes me too long to differentiate the good people in my life from the bad.  But hey like I said it's just a part of life.

So please take care of yourself and until next time,

Love, Lauren x

Photo from pinterest.

The National Wedding Show: a weekend in Birmingham

This morning my train was delayed because the train before mine had hit a cow and completely broken down, you really can't make this kind of stuff up!  So I decided to take the opportunity to start writing all of my planned blog posts (always a silver lining!).  And here I am sat freezing away on my train stuck in the middle of nowhere thinking about all the fun times we had last weekend in Birmingham.

For Christmas my sister's fiance gave us VIP tickets for the National Wedding Show in Birmingham!  Cool right?  My sister had booked us an apartment in the Arcadian Center called StayCity and by pure coincidence it was a fantastic location, we soon discovered numerous restaurants, bars and clubs right on our doorstep.  AND best of all the Bullring shopping center was just across the road from us.  We arrived about 8pm, checked in dumped our bags and went off to explore.  Really all we ended up doing was going for a beautiful curry in James Dhal Indian and then many, many cocktails in las Iguanas - as it turns out they had a deal on where you buy one cocktail and get the same one for free.  I love English alcohol promotions!  Of course us Scots had to take advantage of this difference in licensing laws, but we only had about four cocktails each as we had a fun-packed day planed for the morning...

My sister being convinced
to buy more make-up.
And then it was the Wedding Show Day!!!  But after a small mishap (my sister realising she lost our tickets before we left Aberdeen - thankfully they printed more off for us) we were on our way. Well after a quick and indulgent lunch at Selfridges' champagne bar - The Balcony.  And I guess it wasn't so quick, but it was so relaxing and lovely and we definitely needed the fuel for the show and the bubbles to keep us going.  Then FINALLY we were on our way!

As soon as you walked in the NEC (the venue) and along the corridor you could just see the pink; and you just knew that was your destination.  As soon as you arrived you were given a goody bag and there were just so many people trying to get you to buy their products - it was like they saw us coming because my sister was an easy target and then somehow I got dragged in as well... oh well.  But there was just too much to look at and I tried to convince my sister to start trying on dresses but she sadly was not having any of it!  I honestly think a wedding show is a brilliant place to get some ideas and inspiration, but if we could do it all again I'd hope we'd be more organised and go earlier to take it all in.

And we had VIP tickets which meant we could enter the VIP lounge, get some bubbly get a cute goody bag and get a hair and makeup make over... but the make overs were fully booked out by 11am!  Oops!  So, so sad we missed it but there was plenty more to keep us occupied and let's be real the bubbly certainly kept us happy enough (apparently it doesn't take much!). And then there was the catwalk...

The wedding dress catwalk.

It was amazing to see and all of the models looked amazing; like something out of a fairy-tale.  But honestly, I was a little disappointed by how thin these models were, the dresses as a result did not fit them and really looking at the audience we were all real normal women of all different shapes and sizes.  I guess I just feel as though it was an unrealistic interpretation, but that's just my opinion.  My sister loved it, and that's what really matters, and overall I really enjoyed my first catwalk experience.  You can't take away the fact that these girls looked stunning no matter what their weight and the dresses were just beautiful!

I mean look at how beautufull this is?!

The show finished at about 5pm even though every time we walked around we saw something new.  So really we should have been there a lot earlier but even then I'm not sure we would have had time for everything.

We went back to our apartment, dumped all of our goody bags, purchases and brochures and headed out to find somewhere to eat; the Italian called Milano's.  I think the best thing about these places were the fact that they appeared to be privately owned places that was hadn't seen in Aberdeen before, well apart from las Iguanas.  And then we went back to the apartment with a tub of Ben and Jerrys to watch the Devil Wears Prada after our fashion show!

My sister's finances sister was joining us from Belfast!  This was also the first time I'd met any of my soon-to-be brother-in-laws family.  But of course we had arranged a day of wedding planning, coffee and cocktails!  And we had a lovely girly day in Birmingham, most of it back on the Balcony again, drinking far too much coffee.

And then of course we went shopping since we were in the Bullring already, and of course I spent far too much money but it was so worth it and I needed new clothes anyways... or so I keep telling myself!  Really the last of our weekend was spent the same way,  I think I've ate enough, drank enough coffee and done enough shopping that I'll be set for a while.  Sadly our weekend was over far too soon and we all went our separate ways at the airport - I had to fly by myself for the first time ever as my sister had to go to Edinburgh for work.  But I saw the northern lights from the plane, the northern lights!!! 

My sister and me after the show.

Really after our wee setback we had an amazing time, got there and back in one piece, had a lovely time together, managed not to kill each other, had no major disasters and got loads of new wedding ideas... So overall I'd say it was a really successful trip, and even though the big city really isn't for me it's nice to go there and experience it even for a little while.

Hopefully there will be many more blog posts to follow, so until next time,

Love, Lauren x