New year, new me: but probably not.

Happy New Year! I really hope that 2016 brings all of you happiness, health and love.

Now, I don't know about guys but the end of 2015 got me thinking - quite a lot!  2015 was probably the worst year of my life, especially the last few months (which is the reason for my lack of blogging but I don't feel ready to talk about it too much yet!).  However, when 2015 came around I thought it was gonna be my year.  Honestly, I had it all planned; my second year at uni, I was determined to lose weight and get myself healthy, there was a wedding, my first girly holiday and a couple of 50th birthdays a 30th and my 21st! So many celebrations, all I expected from my year was a whole lot of fun and a lot of hangovers.

But as the saying goes the best laid plans and all that.  And so I found myself leaving uni, moving back home, cancelling my holiday and completely changing my life.  Of course there were good things about the past year and it wasn't all bad, I've had some good times, started seeing David and got to spend quality time with my family.  And that is enough for me.

Well anyway last year was a roller coaster,  and part of me is glad it's over... except for the fact that this year is the first I've started without my Mum and I doubt 2016 will be any easier without her.  In fact I know it won't be.  But I've thought a lot about this year and my 'fresh start'.

I don't really believe in new years resolutions. I mean for the past 5 or so years they've pretty much always been the same: lose weight, do well at school/uni, swear less, drink less etc etc. I've only ever succeeded at one and it turns out that one doesn't even matter anymore since I've decided to drop out of uni!  So really every year I've failed and every year I still try, but this year is going to be different.  So really it is 'New Year, new me' but this new me accepts the old me (confusing I know but I honestly can't think of a better way to word it).  And not only that I'm not gonna plan my whole year again, I'm just gonna take it as it comes and enjoy life.  I've spent my whole life planning and really it just doesn't work out the way you want it to - like ever.

I've also decided to think of a few things and make some small changes.  I really want to start thinking about the important things in life; take more interest in what's actually going on in the world, spend more time with the people I love, take time to figure myself out and do the things I love instead of the things I think I have to do.  We'll see how long this lasts but really all I want out of this new year is to be happy and no matter what life throws at me I'll try my best (I've already been through the worst anyways).

Really I have no expectations, and for the first time in my life I'm going to try and just take it easy and do what I want.  I guess you guys will find out how this all goes as from now on I will try and make time for blogging.
So good bye for now,

Love, Lauren x